When your spouse dies, your whole exsistance of who you are - changes. Days seemed to tarry on in the begining - it was a dark time in my life. It was summer -without light. Fall without color. Winter without warmth. Spring without life. It felt as if I was abandoned, and forgottten. Life had changed-it continued to spin but in slow motion. I had countless moments of confusion, forms to fill out, closing accounts, opening new ones, fear, disorientation, frustrations, dealing with a broken heart, guilt, anger, utter saddness, and even a sense of relief. Not an easy word to say- even relief. Relief is knowing that cancer didn't win - because he walks with effertless ease - seasons even changed for him.
When I look in the midnight blue sky filled with brillant stars gleaming with beauty, I think of him always. A brilliant star gleaming with ease.... Forget this still can't seem to write again.