Why do people suffer? When I think of suffering I think of my husband, and Job from the bible. Phil is much like Job. Job's love was pure for God. He proved to be faithful, never cursed God or even blamed Him for what happened to him. Everything was taken from Job his riches, family, and his health. Phil is much like Job, and proven to be faithful. He will often say, "If someone needed to have this disease then I am thankful it was me". Thankful! I have other words other than thankful at times, but I am growing so much in my faith, and love for God through this trial Phil and I endure together. So as wrong and complex that may seem to us, sometimes in life we experience suffering to experience complete and full lives in God's abundance of love and peace. In my life every situation I am given..... I can do everything through Him who strengthens me.
Phil's myeloma is, as quoted from the doctor, "out of control." In the last month we have stopped chemotherapy, and that is such a difficult perplexing mind bending statement to even put down here. As chemotherapy has been such a part of this for so long, that without it it seems wrong. His kidneys have stopped working and he is doing dialysis. He spent two weeks in the hospital this month, and is currently at home fulfilling "goals", until he is ready to enter into hospice. I haven't even been able to blog for the numbness that I have felt. Yet in this difficult time I hope that I can show God is still worthy of love regardless of all that we are going through.
In Psalm 119 the progression through verses
67, 71, and 75 regarding suffering - "Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I obey
your word...It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your
decrees...I know, O LORD, that your laws are righteous, and in faithfulness you
have afflicted me." The result of the affliction was so that he could learn God's decrees and
obey His Word. Such a difficult passage, and yet so simple to me. I know in my sufferings in life, and watching my husband's disease progress that I am closer in my faith, and yet I need to be closer.
Again, sickness and suffering is never an easy thing to
deal with. One thing is for sure, Myeloma has not caused us to lose our faith in God. God is good, even though it may be hard to imagine even those who have endured the ultimate of
suffering—death—it is an act of God's goodness. It is hard to imagine that anyone
who is in Heaven as a result of sickness or suffering regrets what they went
through in this life.
Continue to pray for my family as I don't know God's plan ahead, I do know Phil is suffering. His pain in his back, spine, hips, and ribs is "raging" as Phil stated. It's very difficult to see Myeloma's ugliness once again in those soft gentle hazel eyes. Phil's not much of a complainer so I know he's hurting beyond my imagination when he does.....again, please continue your prayers at this difficult time in our life.
