Phil and I were suprised last week and sometimes "thank you" just doesn't seem enough. We received a lift chair as a gift from two special friends that have become closer than family. She has let me cry, let me vent, supported me, and been an all around sister at heart.
So when we got an annonymous gift from Florida, I immediately knew who it was. A lift chair was delivered, and I can honestly say it was the best gift of my life. It offers Phil comfort and eases the pain of getting up and down with his avascular necrosis (dead bone from steroid side-effect) on his hips, and shoulders.
She has listened to me tell our story of the financial, spirtual, emotional, and physical burden that Multiple Myeloma has caused our family. She is now trying to set up a non-profit fund to help family's that are dealing with this disease. Most organization's are for discovery of a cure, and new medications. Which are needed, but for familys dealing with Multiple Myeloma the financial stress is here and now. Please take the time to follow Mindy and vote for her to receive a grant. She is trying very hard to help families with the things that are not covered under insurance. For example, the lift chair for Phil that was so needed, but not covered and financially out of reach for us.
I know the financial burden of this disease first hand, and with the debt that we have acquired over the last six year, we acquired to fight the battle, and as we continue to fight the battle, we hope that you would please take the time to follow Mindy and vote when needed to help her organization receive the grant. Thank you.
#links Please take time to check out Mindys link.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Mindy's Soap Box: Helping Phil Battle Multiple Myeloma
Mindy's Soap Box: Helping Phil Battle Multiple Myeloma
Thank you Mindy for thinking of us and helping us through our difficult battle dealing with Multiple Myeloma. It's so exhausting to deal with, physically, mentally, spiritually, and financially. So your support through all of this is uplifting and appreciated. Your a God sent friend to us and thank you just doesn't seem like its enough.
Thank you Mindy for thinking of us and helping us through our difficult battle dealing with Multiple Myeloma. It's so exhausting to deal with, physically, mentally, spiritually, and financially. So your support through all of this is uplifting and appreciated. Your a God sent friend to us and thank you just doesn't seem like its enough.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Projecting love unto others...
Whatever happened to the age-old proverb reminding us, "It takes a village to raise a child." Or "With members of the whole community a child succeeds and thrives." Even the saying, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Where is all the love for others, lending a helping hand, or supporting a friend, neighbor, or co-worker in need.
I am often thrown into a whirl wind of emotions when I see a news story where a young child has been abused, or an elderly person has been robbed or attacked. I even cringe when I see judgement of others at the sight of old clothes, or even a homeless person. So what happened to a community as a whole. Is every one striving for another buck that we've hardened our hearts toward others. Are we moving so fast that we miss what counts the most and that's people.
I am making a stand to see more through the eyes of love, to cherish each individual I see. I vow to open my heart through compassion and understanding. I will help others be all they can be. Even if its a simple kind word or smile, that could be the only positive gesture they've received all year.
The first step to being a positive person starts with yourself. Taking time for a short break, a few moments of silence, or just walking outside to stretch your legs. Decreasing your stress, taking time to care for you shows that you value your life. Which will in turn project value in others.
I am often thrown into a whirl wind of emotions when I see a news story where a young child has been abused, or an elderly person has been robbed or attacked. I even cringe when I see judgement of others at the sight of old clothes, or even a homeless person. So what happened to a community as a whole. Is every one striving for another buck that we've hardened our hearts toward others. Are we moving so fast that we miss what counts the most and that's people.
I am making a stand to see more through the eyes of love, to cherish each individual I see. I vow to open my heart through compassion and understanding. I will help others be all they can be. Even if its a simple kind word or smile, that could be the only positive gesture they've received all year.
The first step to being a positive person starts with yourself. Taking time for a short break, a few moments of silence, or just walking outside to stretch your legs. Decreasing your stress, taking time to care for you shows that you value your life. Which will in turn project value in others.
Monday, December 27, 2010
Reflection
As the year comes to an end I like to take time to sit quietly and reflect on the year in past. I acknowledge my mistakes and want to grow and learn from them. I sit in refection of lifes questions and let the answers unfold. I desire to give the love I have and make a difference in someone else's life.
I have been blessed with a wonderful husband who has more love and charisma than anyone I have known. I pray for his health and strength to battle his cancer. I reflect in the times God has given me strength and endurance to see some days through. For without Gods strength and love I would be lost.
I have been given two daughters who make me feel inspired to be a better person. I see the future in their eyes. I help mold them into strong and loving ladies. I have made my mistakes and asked their forgiveness. However, I know they feel my love for them.
I have been blessed with a new friendship. She has supported me, made me laugh, and let me cry. She encourages me without even knowing. She lifts me up when I fall. Reflection of caring people in my life.
I recall what matters most, and what I am most grateful for. I ponder what the new year will bring, and how I will feel about lifes journey this time next year. Reflection helps me appreciate the ways God shows up in my life.
I have been blessed with a wonderful husband who has more love and charisma than anyone I have known. I pray for his health and strength to battle his cancer. I reflect in the times God has given me strength and endurance to see some days through. For without Gods strength and love I would be lost.
I have been given two daughters who make me feel inspired to be a better person. I see the future in their eyes. I help mold them into strong and loving ladies. I have made my mistakes and asked their forgiveness. However, I know they feel my love for them.
I have been blessed with a new friendship. She has supported me, made me laugh, and let me cry. She encourages me without even knowing. She lifts me up when I fall. Reflection of caring people in my life.
I recall what matters most, and what I am most grateful for. I ponder what the new year will bring, and how I will feel about lifes journey this time next year. Reflection helps me appreciate the ways God shows up in my life.
Friday, November 26, 2010
Spit On It and Set It On Fire.
If theres anyone that hasn't dealt with Cancer up close and personal, they may not exactly understand the turmoil it throws your life into. Especially a terminal, incurable, Cancer called Multiple Myeloma. Its an ugly disease, mean, ruthless, rotten and relentless. And lately I find myself just plain ANGRY with it.
Occasionally people will ask, "How's you husband doing?". I will go into a short story of well; he has a broken foot, or there's 8 new "spots", or there going be several new tests this week, or we have 3 days down at the clinic which can be tiring, stressful, and exhausting. I can tell the difference between the ones who truly care, and the ones who are asking just to be polite. If your asking just to be polite, then I'd rather you not ask at all. This way I don't have to go through the whole ordeal of reliving it, when I know that it will all be forgotten as soon as I walk away. Because For Us, it remains a Financial, Emotional, Physical, Spirutual, and Mental battle. Every minute, every hour, every day, a constant, ongoing battle and it makes me ANGRY.
We had Thanksgiving at Phil's Mom"s house yesterday. Phil had a treatment on Tuesday, it's Zometa IV, which is a bone strengthener. It makes him feel terrible for a week after. He is sore, stiff, and his pain is worse, which at times adds to his depression. Then add on the two Chemotherapy medications he's on and it's not so much fun for him. He struggled to make it through his mom's dinner. At times he would break out in a sweat, at times you could see the pain, and at times you could just plain see him struggle. Sometimes, I feel like I am the only one who notices these changes in him. I have watched him struggle for years with Multiple Myeloma and quiet frankly, cancer makes me ANGRY. I wish that I could ball it up, smoosh it together, throw it on the ground, stomp it to death, spit on it, then set it on fire. In fact, I do do that at times, of course, in my imagination......and I find that it's quite therapeutic. Needless to say, we did not stay long at his mom's house this year. Years ago, we would of been there for well into the night, playing games, cards, and enjoying the company of family, however, this Cancer constantly robs him, and us, of doing the things that we love most in life. Especially, during the holidays. which of course, makes me ANGRY.
I also get angry at it because it dictates control of our lives when it's not wanted and has no right in doing so! It says when he doesn't feel good, makes him tired, makes him sick to his stomach, hurts him all over, makes him depressed, and sadly it also makes us choose between paying for medications or buying a washer and dryer (medications win always). It states you have 3 appts this week downtown, tells you your on disability for life, then it decides whether or not he is up to going out to store with me, because he is to fatigued to go. It brings worry in times of happiness, tells you must take off work to care for your husband, it glares in the faces of our broken hearted girls as I tell them that the cancer is back. And again it makes me ANGRY. So in my darkest hour, I fall to my knees and yank it from his body, roll it in a ball, smoosh it together, throw it on the ground, stomp it to death, spit on it. then set it on fire. I demand to it, you will not take my joy or my love. I will tell it what I feel, and dictate to it which emotions I choose to express, and when I will accept it's relentless desire to wear us down. I will not let it control us anymore, as much as possible anyway, now this makes me HAPPY.
I know I sound angy and negative, but don't get me wrong. If there is anything to be thankful for, it is the time that we get to spend together now. He is home 24/7 and I love that time with him. I also love his abilty to be home with our daughters. This is not something that we have had the pleasure of experiencing in our lives before cancer. We both worked many hours, and he worked two jobs. So the hours we now have together are cherished. However, cancer still sucks, and it makes me ANGRY.
Whatever your struggle in life, find a way to conquer it. Don't let it rob you of the all the joy and love inside of you. Find a way to take control of it, "ball it up, stomp on it, spit on it, and set it on fire if you must", (not literally of course but spirtually and mentally) ....... it works for me. Stupid Cancer.
Occasionally people will ask, "How's you husband doing?". I will go into a short story of well; he has a broken foot, or there's 8 new "spots", or there going be several new tests this week, or we have 3 days down at the clinic which can be tiring, stressful, and exhausting. I can tell the difference between the ones who truly care, and the ones who are asking just to be polite. If your asking just to be polite, then I'd rather you not ask at all. This way I don't have to go through the whole ordeal of reliving it, when I know that it will all be forgotten as soon as I walk away. Because For Us, it remains a Financial, Emotional, Physical, Spirutual, and Mental battle. Every minute, every hour, every day, a constant, ongoing battle and it makes me ANGRY.
We had Thanksgiving at Phil's Mom"s house yesterday. Phil had a treatment on Tuesday, it's Zometa IV, which is a bone strengthener. It makes him feel terrible for a week after. He is sore, stiff, and his pain is worse, which at times adds to his depression. Then add on the two Chemotherapy medications he's on and it's not so much fun for him. He struggled to make it through his mom's dinner. At times he would break out in a sweat, at times you could see the pain, and at times you could just plain see him struggle. Sometimes, I feel like I am the only one who notices these changes in him. I have watched him struggle for years with Multiple Myeloma and quiet frankly, cancer makes me ANGRY. I wish that I could ball it up, smoosh it together, throw it on the ground, stomp it to death, spit on it, then set it on fire. In fact, I do do that at times, of course, in my imagination......and I find that it's quite therapeutic. Needless to say, we did not stay long at his mom's house this year. Years ago, we would of been there for well into the night, playing games, cards, and enjoying the company of family, however, this Cancer constantly robs him, and us, of doing the things that we love most in life. Especially, during the holidays. which of course, makes me ANGRY.
I also get angry at it because it dictates control of our lives when it's not wanted and has no right in doing so! It says when he doesn't feel good, makes him tired, makes him sick to his stomach, hurts him all over, makes him depressed, and sadly it also makes us choose between paying for medications or buying a washer and dryer (medications win always). It states you have 3 appts this week downtown, tells you your on disability for life, then it decides whether or not he is up to going out to store with me, because he is to fatigued to go. It brings worry in times of happiness, tells you must take off work to care for your husband, it glares in the faces of our broken hearted girls as I tell them that the cancer is back. And again it makes me ANGRY. So in my darkest hour, I fall to my knees and yank it from his body, roll it in a ball, smoosh it together, throw it on the ground, stomp it to death, spit on it. then set it on fire. I demand to it, you will not take my joy or my love. I will tell it what I feel, and dictate to it which emotions I choose to express, and when I will accept it's relentless desire to wear us down. I will not let it control us anymore, as much as possible anyway, now this makes me HAPPY.
I know I sound angy and negative, but don't get me wrong. If there is anything to be thankful for, it is the time that we get to spend together now. He is home 24/7 and I love that time with him. I also love his abilty to be home with our daughters. This is not something that we have had the pleasure of experiencing in our lives before cancer. We both worked many hours, and he worked two jobs. So the hours we now have together are cherished. However, cancer still sucks, and it makes me ANGRY.
Whatever your struggle in life, find a way to conquer it. Don't let it rob you of the all the joy and love inside of you. Find a way to take control of it, "ball it up, stomp on it, spit on it, and set it on fire if you must", (not literally of course but spirtually and mentally) ....... it works for me. Stupid Cancer.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Why do we worry.....
Phil and I are usually pretty good about counting our blessings. Phil has a terminal cancer called Multiple Myeloma, and we make frequent trips downtown to visit the Clinic. He is burdened with not being able to walk long distances without pain, sit in one position for a period of time without pain, takes a massive of amount of medications which includes two different pill forms of chemotherapy, fatigue, nausea, insomnia, frequent MRI's and xrays, and at times battles depression regarding financial stress, and emotional stress he feels responsible for putting on his family.
In spite of cancer we have learned to laugh at our "bad luck", and "count our blessings" even when things seem to be on the negative side of life. Although lately, I have found myself in worry, pierced with no sense of direction, and emotional worn down with watching Phil suffer with cancer.
Worry is useless, and eats at the heart of hope. It drags you down, instead of being building you up. It trys, and sometimes succeeds to rear it's ugly face in the midst of your storm. I have decided to move past worry and look forward but lately I can not, and quiet frankley it's making me mad.
It's hard watching the man you love struggle with such an ugly disease. I guess lately I am a little depressed and my heart is broken for him. He has been through so much, and I hate to seem him struggle with his disease. I am trying and learning to lean more into my faith and God.
Sunday at work, one of my patients asked, "What does you husband do for a living?". I explained that he is disabled, and has cancer. She stated, "If it would not offend you I would like to pray for him." I was humbled at this gesture, from a little old lady laying in a hospital bed wanting to pray for him. So she prayed a wonderful, geniune prayer. It was filled with hope, healing and love. At the end of the prayer, she said to me, "Jenny, God wants you to believe this prayer, and he knows that Phil loved his motorcycle, and misses riding it." Now for some of you skeptics it seems unreal. However, I believe that was for me, from God, to learn to not worry, and embrace hope.
Sometimes, all you need is a little gesture from a lovely lady, to give you hope instead of worry..... thanks for those kind words at right moment.
In spite of cancer we have learned to laugh at our "bad luck", and "count our blessings" even when things seem to be on the negative side of life. Although lately, I have found myself in worry, pierced with no sense of direction, and emotional worn down with watching Phil suffer with cancer.
Worry is useless, and eats at the heart of hope. It drags you down, instead of being building you up. It trys, and sometimes succeeds to rear it's ugly face in the midst of your storm. I have decided to move past worry and look forward but lately I can not, and quiet frankley it's making me mad.
It's hard watching the man you love struggle with such an ugly disease. I guess lately I am a little depressed and my heart is broken for him. He has been through so much, and I hate to seem him struggle with his disease. I am trying and learning to lean more into my faith and God.
Sunday at work, one of my patients asked, "What does you husband do for a living?". I explained that he is disabled, and has cancer. She stated, "If it would not offend you I would like to pray for him." I was humbled at this gesture, from a little old lady laying in a hospital bed wanting to pray for him. So she prayed a wonderful, geniune prayer. It was filled with hope, healing and love. At the end of the prayer, she said to me, "Jenny, God wants you to believe this prayer, and he knows that Phil loved his motorcycle, and misses riding it." Now for some of you skeptics it seems unreal. However, I believe that was for me, from God, to learn to not worry, and embrace hope.
Sometimes, all you need is a little gesture from a lovely lady, to give you hope instead of worry..... thanks for those kind words at right moment.
Friday, November 5, 2010
Sticks and Stones
What is the Greek meaning of rudeness, it is shameful or disgraceful. I am guitly of being rude, and using words in a malicious intent to hurt others and I am deeply saddened with my actions. Hindsight is 20/20, and I cannot go back and change those actions but move forward and learn from my mistakes.
To listen to our vocabulary you'd think we were victims of our thoughts and tongues, as if they were in control of us. We like to blame our mood on our words. "I was in a bad mood", as is we have no control. Foul language, name calling, swearing, and rudeness is not used because of what mood we are in, or what demenour we have, but rather as a choice of weapon.
The old saying we all learned as a child; "Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me", is WRONG. Name calling, rudeness and swearing at someone does hurt. It hurts the heart of a YOU-nique individual. It leaves an emotional attatchment to what we feel and think of ourselves, or how we perceive what someone thinks of us. Sometimes easily forgotten, and sometimes that memory lasts a life time.
Is it ok to get angry, certainly. Is is ok to disagree with someone, of course. Do we have the right to bark at our kids? Yes. Do we have the right to dominate the arguement at times with our spouses? Absolutely, but an arguement, or disagreement can be done in loving way.
How we respond and treat others is our own choice. The words we use, the thoughts we think, and the reactions we give to people IS a choice. So next time your about to lash out with foul language, name calling, or smearing one's name; pause and think. Maybe try to use language that will deescalate the situation, you can also walk away then regroup when tempers are not ignited , or you can use a loving constructive critizism.
I am not saying this is easy, but words of descruction cut right to the heart...
To listen to our vocabulary you'd think we were victims of our thoughts and tongues, as if they were in control of us. We like to blame our mood on our words. "I was in a bad mood", as is we have no control. Foul language, name calling, swearing, and rudeness is not used because of what mood we are in, or what demenour we have, but rather as a choice of weapon.
The old saying we all learned as a child; "Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me", is WRONG. Name calling, rudeness and swearing at someone does hurt. It hurts the heart of a YOU-nique individual. It leaves an emotional attatchment to what we feel and think of ourselves, or how we perceive what someone thinks of us. Sometimes easily forgotten, and sometimes that memory lasts a life time.
Is it ok to get angry, certainly. Is is ok to disagree with someone, of course. Do we have the right to bark at our kids? Yes. Do we have the right to dominate the arguement at times with our spouses? Absolutely, but an arguement, or disagreement can be done in loving way.
How we respond and treat others is our own choice. The words we use, the thoughts we think, and the reactions we give to people IS a choice. So next time your about to lash out with foul language, name calling, or smearing one's name; pause and think. Maybe try to use language that will deescalate the situation, you can also walk away then regroup when tempers are not ignited , or you can use a loving constructive critizism.
I am not saying this is easy, but words of descruction cut right to the heart...
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