The Storm

     I'm tired today, feeling sorry for myself, loathing in my mistakes in life, and over doing it I suppose.  I was feeling as if I want our life back, back before mistakes, back before Phil was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma, back before Heather was diagnosed with a  Pituitary Tumor, and back when I was younger.  When energy was abundant, time was forever, and love was all that we needed.  I was allowing myself to spiral down on the road in life this week, and I need to get off the ride, take a deep breathe and pray.
     Phil's needs to have a "small" surgery soon, and I was caught in the self loathing and silence of my own mind.  Numb with concern, over-whelmed with life regrets, and caught up in the negativty of life.
     It has been a busy week with doctor appointments and work.  My daughter, Heather, had an appointment for a follow-up in regards to her Pituitary Tumor.  Then we had to go to her vision checked with a Opthamologist who specializes in Pituitary Tumors and Neurology.  I am humbled and thankful that everything is in check and no new issues.  Blood work looks good, vision is good, she needs glasses but the tumor is not affecting her vision.  Thank you God.
     Phil has an infection in an old surgery site, his sacral scar.  This is a reoccurring infection and it will need to be opened, cleaned, and plastic surgery will get involved.  This area on his back has had so much radiation that it basically has no healthy tissue underneath.  Plastic surgeon will most likely graft a piece of skin to it, which will in hopes prevent further infections.  We don't have a surgery date yet, we have to go see a Plastic Surgeon next week.  I mean no offense when I say this, but we are not looking forward to another doctor.  It's not that we don't appreciate our doctors and nurses, it's just that we sometimes are done with going to them.  I know God will look over him, and give me strength to get through this, but for a moment I was loathing in self-pity. 
    As I was sitting in the living room loathing in self-pity, complaining of self induced exhaustion, complaining I have to work next few days, and just not my usual self.  It began to storm outside.  The clouds covered the city, lightening and thunder lit up the sky.  It was then that the song by Casting Crown, " Praise You In This Storm" came to mind.  God is good, and all of this is in his hands.  I hope when you go through "storms" in life, you don't forget to pray. It's easy to spiral down, become overwhelmed with stress, and exhaustion.  Just know God loves you, family and friends pray for you, and love will endure.  The sun will shine again.