It's difficult to think, or even talk about this surgery coming up for Phil. I guess that's why I blog, sometimes it's easier to get my feelings out with writing. I hope I never offend people by putting so much of our lives out there for all of you to read, but it's such a huge support for us. I know many of you care deeply for Phil, and this is a way of letting all of you know what is going on, and helps to keep you updated.
We went to see the spine surgeon on Wednesday for the surgical consultation. It brought back so many memories of the first surgery, his sacral reconstruction. The surgeon stated, "This is going to be a longer surgery than his initial surgery because of damage from the radiation that has compressed the tissue surrounding his previous sacral reconstruction." He went on to say he will remove the titanium that was placed to help fuse the bone together on the left side of his sacrum. "Is it impossible?, No, just extremely difficult.", stated with a geniune look of concern coming from the surgeons eyes. You see the left side of his sacrum was originally shattered from radition causing the tumor to expand nearly seven years ago. However, today the titanium is causing an infection and it will need to be removed. He also stated, " I think the bone is strong enough now for all of the hardward to be out. However, I really won't know until I get in there and see it first hand."
After the spine surgeon is done removing the titanium, and cleaning out the infection, then a plastic surgeon will be brought in to create a "closure". This again is brought on by the maxium dose of radiation applied to that area, causing the skin to be matted down. So the plastic surgeon will will most likely use another piece of skin/tissue from another part of his body, for example maybe his thigh, to create a new healthier skin area for closure.
We are waiting for a surgery date and expecting the call any day. We are told it will be done before Christmas, as it is difficult to colaberate two surgeons on a date that works for both of their schedules.
I worry about the chemotherapy he is enduring on his immune system, which is already compromised with having Multiple Myeloma. We go again today for another round of chemotherapy, and all though I know they must get the cancer numbers under control, I still am in a cross between a rock and a hard place. Sometimes, being a nurse is difficult with what you know. I am praying for a quick healing process, with all that he has going on right now, and yet to come.
My heart has sunk and is heavily burdened for my husband, for you see I am the one who has seen the pain he has endured the first surgery. I would wake up in the middle of the night and know that he was in pain. I would ask him what I could do, and he would say move the sheet an inch to the right or left. This would straighten him up and the pain would subside just enough for him to go back to sleep. I can't seem to even imagine seeing him suffer through this surgery again. I ache in my inner soul for him and I am attempting to find peace in my heart. Sometimes your thoughts are your worst enemy, the process of clearing my mind of any and all uncertainty is draining and emotional. I am finding it difficult to let go and yet having that feeling of being assured. I am wrapped with tension, and fear, and to my knees this has brought me.
I know my girls are suffering as well, for my youngest it's an inner emotional battle. As a teenager it's difficult enough to grow up, but the added stress for her is heartbreaking. Please pray for all of us. So many obstacles ahead for us this surgery, mentally, physically, financially, and in all aspects of life. I appreciate your time, prayers, and for listening.
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