I would rather be sleeping in two plastic chairs tonight, I miss you, and I love you. Not sure how or why I am blessed with such a wonderful man, but I just want you to know I am grateful to be you wife. Glad you are out of ICU but wishing you were home. We may not have it all together, but together we have it all.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Monday, December 26, 2011
Breaking Point......
It's been a difficult Christmas this year, don't get me wrong I can't express how blessed we have been from family and friends. I didn't plan on being home for Christmas but Phil is struggling beyond words, so I took the weekend off. Cancer doesn't care about timing, or anything else for that matter.
He has a new pain this weekend and is walking even slower this morning. It's on his back but more on the left part of his side. Go to hell Cancer. I am finished with you and tired of your hardships and hell you put my husband through.
I am trying to get him to go to the emergency room this morning, but he is having nothing to do with that. I can't say that I blame him, but I can't bare to see him suffer like this either. His beautiful hazel eyes are filled with pain and suffering. I emailed his nurse practioner this morning, I guess we will wait and see what she wants us to do.
I am done with caner this year, this day, this hour, and this moment. I think I am at my breaking point again, and I am ready to put on my boxing gloves and whoop some cancer ass. I Wish it was that easy because I wouldn't need any special training to be a professional boxer this morning. I am positive I would get it done the first round. I am left feeling helpless, left feeling out of control, and lost in my emotions. Cancer I hate you, today you have won this round but tomorrow I will fight again for him.
Hoping all of you had a wonderful Christmas and wishing you the Happiest, Healthiest, New Year. Thanks for you all for giving me the best Christmas present, praying for Phil daily.
He has a new pain this weekend and is walking even slower this morning. It's on his back but more on the left part of his side. Go to hell Cancer. I am finished with you and tired of your hardships and hell you put my husband through.
I am trying to get him to go to the emergency room this morning, but he is having nothing to do with that. I can't say that I blame him, but I can't bare to see him suffer like this either. His beautiful hazel eyes are filled with pain and suffering. I emailed his nurse practioner this morning, I guess we will wait and see what she wants us to do.
I am done with caner this year, this day, this hour, and this moment. I think I am at my breaking point again, and I am ready to put on my boxing gloves and whoop some cancer ass. I Wish it was that easy because I wouldn't need any special training to be a professional boxer this morning. I am positive I would get it done the first round. I am left feeling helpless, left feeling out of control, and lost in my emotions. Cancer I hate you, today you have won this round but tomorrow I will fight again for him.
Hoping all of you had a wonderful Christmas and wishing you the Happiest, Healthiest, New Year. Thanks for you all for giving me the best Christmas present, praying for Phil daily.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Sadly, New Results Are In......
Name | Standard Range | 8/24/2011 | 9/24/2011 | 11/18/2011 | 11/29/2011 | 12/2/2011 |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| KAPPA, FREE, SERUM | 3.3-19.4 mg/L | 70.7 H | 81.4 H | 1350.8 H | 98.2 H | 1711.6 H |
| Name | Standard Range | 8/24/2011 | 9/24/2011 | 11/18/2011 | 11/29/2011 | 12/2/2011 |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| K/L RATIO, SERUM | 0.26-1.65 | 16.44 H | >38.76 H | >562.83 H | >40.92 H | >713.17 H |
Well, here we go again, copied and pasted, black and white, and heart breaking at it's worst in the world of Myeloma. The above blood work results are the cancer markers to monitor Phil's disease process. He is now back in the way above his range, and far from the standard range. It just somehow seems wrong, and I stare at them over and over. Yet, I know it's so very real.
The plan is to add Cyclophosphamide - another chemotherapy a pill form, continue with Velcade IV, and increase his steroids yet again. I just can't explain the pain that this brings, I hate Myeloma.
This on top of radiation treatment #1 finished today. Tomorrow I will take him down at 9:30 for treatment #2, bring him home, and then head back to Clinic for work. Friday I will take him down at 6:30 am for treatment #3, bring him home, and then head back to the Clinic for work. Megan (our daughter), will take him for his IV Velcade on Friday. I will finish the week with two (12) hour days on Saturday and Sunday. Then Monday, and Tuesday radiation treatment #4, and #5. Tuesday he will have his IV Chemotherapy in the afternoon. I say this so that you have patience and understanding with us. Our schedule has been a hectic one, and will continue to be one of challenging measures.
If we don't answer calls, continue to call and leave a message. If we are slow to respond, and short with words, please don't take it personally. We love all of you, but life is hard, and God is good. PLEASE continue your prayers for my family as all of you do, we will need them always and forever.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
What Cancer Cannot Do
Cancer is so limited....
It Cannot Cripple Love
It Cannot Shatter Hope
It Cannot Corrode Faith
It Cannot Destroy Peace
It Cannot Kill Friendship
It Cannot Suppress Memories
It Cannot Silence Courage
It Cannot Invade the Soul
It Cannot Steal Eternal Life
It Cannot Conquer The Spirit
-Unk
Cancer is so limited....
It Cannot Cripple Love
It Cannot Shatter Hope
It Cannot Corrode Faith
It Cannot Destroy Peace
It Cannot Kill Friendship
It Cannot Suppress Memories
It Cannot Silence Courage
It Cannot Invade the Soul
It Cannot Steal Eternal Life
It Cannot Conquer The Spirit
-Unk
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Myeloma - The Roller Coaster
We have been traveling on the Myeloma Roller Coaster this week and it's one of the worst rides we've been on. It has drained us of all our energy, emotions, and is terrorizing our home with pain. The mind numbing emotions are so exhausting to ride and it's only just begun.
We have received news that Phil's blood work has showed that Myeloma is revealing it's ugly face again in the man I love. It started with chest pain in which they thought, "it's just a pulled muscle". They had no reason to think anything else because he recently completed a bone survey. Those results showed nothing abnormal in the area of his new pain. However, because of this pain being so intense at this past appointment, his doctor decided to send him for another xray. We completed it, and really thought nothing of it. For you see xrays are, believe or not, just "routine" with Myeloma. Nothing could have prepared us for the results that we received today.
I anxiously answered the phone today from Phil's Nurse Practitioner, thinking it would be a routine call. Yet I was stopped in my tracks from the unwanted news. I spent an hour aimlessly walking in a store attempting to process the information. The results from the xray now show that Phil has six new tumors on his ribs that will require radiation. One of the ribs is broken from Myeloma eating away at the bone like it has every right to be there. I can not explain the pain that this brings to me. He is such a wonderful man who doesn't deserve anymore set backs.
The surgery will now be postponed until January, or until the cancer is under control again. Yet, the infection on his back is getting worse. It's a juggling mess to do what is best. They have decided to begin the radiation process to his ribs tomorrow, along with the addition of doubling up on his chemotherapy. Once again we are locked in and set to cruise control on the Myeloma Roller Coaster, and it's a ride I wish for no one.
I am currently at a loss for words, but I still know God is in control. It's amazing to me how when we have doubt, fear, financial needs, exhaustion, or any other need when dealing with Myeloma, that God steps in and provides. Your continued prayers are uplifting and welcomed as we are faced with yet another difficult fight against this disease. Please also include in your prayers, our daughters. As this news is discouraging for them, and they worry about their daddy for whom they love so very, very much. Thank you, and God Bless.
We have received news that Phil's blood work has showed that Myeloma is revealing it's ugly face again in the man I love. It started with chest pain in which they thought, "it's just a pulled muscle". They had no reason to think anything else because he recently completed a bone survey. Those results showed nothing abnormal in the area of his new pain. However, because of this pain being so intense at this past appointment, his doctor decided to send him for another xray. We completed it, and really thought nothing of it. For you see xrays are, believe or not, just "routine" with Myeloma. Nothing could have prepared us for the results that we received today.
I anxiously answered the phone today from Phil's Nurse Practitioner, thinking it would be a routine call. Yet I was stopped in my tracks from the unwanted news. I spent an hour aimlessly walking in a store attempting to process the information. The results from the xray now show that Phil has six new tumors on his ribs that will require radiation. One of the ribs is broken from Myeloma eating away at the bone like it has every right to be there. I can not explain the pain that this brings to me. He is such a wonderful man who doesn't deserve anymore set backs.
The surgery will now be postponed until January, or until the cancer is under control again. Yet, the infection on his back is getting worse. It's a juggling mess to do what is best. They have decided to begin the radiation process to his ribs tomorrow, along with the addition of doubling up on his chemotherapy. Once again we are locked in and set to cruise control on the Myeloma Roller Coaster, and it's a ride I wish for no one.
I am currently at a loss for words, but I still know God is in control. It's amazing to me how when we have doubt, fear, financial needs, exhaustion, or any other need when dealing with Myeloma, that God steps in and provides. Your continued prayers are uplifting and welcomed as we are faced with yet another difficult fight against this disease. Please also include in your prayers, our daughters. As this news is discouraging for them, and they worry about their daddy for whom they love so very, very much. Thank you, and God Bless.
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