We unfortunately spent his 41st birthday celebration in the hospital, and I say unfortunately only in the setting aspect. If you would've asked me a month ago if Phil would see his 41st birthday, I had my doubts. He was on oxygen, his kidneys failed, we are no longer doing chemotherapy because treatments are not working, and his health was failing rapidly. However, he's been given a new kick start while off chemotherapy, and dialysis. God's not finished with us yet, and I praise you God for all of these moments together.
He had a fever on Wednesday night, and with his white blood cells at a whopping .81 I took him to the ED kicking and screaming. OK he might not of been that bad, but no way he wanted to go. I am thankful he did, and grateful he's home.
His birthday was Saturday, and we enjoyed every ounce of a corn beef sandwich, followed by carmel apple cheesecake, and chased it down with root beer. It was the best birthday dinner ever! His appetite is always a hit or miss with Phil, and that evening it was on! His appetite fluctuates as much as the temperatures here in Cleveland. However, this seemed to be just what the doctor ordered, oh wait, probably not, but just what the wife ordered!
He is still doing dialysis, he has a radiation appointment tomorrow following his dialysis for new tumors on T5 - T11 on his spine. It's his simulation appointment to set up for the real treatments. It will cause him pain, so pray for him around 2:30 pm tomorrow. They will fit him with a mesh like thing and bolt him down with it, and it will cause pain. We are taking one day at a time, and enjoying each one we are blessed with. Myeloma is a roller coaster to say the least. However, God is steady and consistent for all of our needs.
It has been many days in a row at the Clinic and it continues to be the same, but one thing for sure Phil is a fighter, and continues to amaze us with his power, will and strength. I am not sure how I could do this somedays without all of your prayers, thank you all for praying for us. God Bless.
When I turn to God for clarity, guidance, direction and comfort, He is faithful to affirm my doubt and emptiness. Such a difficult year this has been for Phil and I, and I rest assured in His presence that He will renew my strength. Sometimes I even smile through the dark hours of dealing with Multiple Myeloma. I am learning that nothing can disturb me unless I allow it, regardless of the events we have endured.
For those of you who don't know Phil's kidneys have shut down and he's doing dialysis three times a week. Our original plan was to make it through Meg's prom, and our anniversary, then we were going to enter into hospice. However, Phil has been given a new strength and a will to live. It is mainly because w are no longer doing chemotherapy, which has also rebooted him for life.
Component
Standard Range
12/2/2011
1/6/2012
2/22/2012
4/10/2012
4/20/2012
5/25/2012
Kappa Free, Serum
3.3-19.4 mg/L
1711.6 H
872.3 H
1214.4 H
4595.8 H
6045.6 H
37312.0
K/L Ratio, Serum
0.26-1.65
>713.17 H
363.46
238.12 H
2188.48
2628.52
7773.33
The above column is what the used to detect Phil's Myeloma levels in his blood, and I have only listed a few but you can see the numbers are rising. In my mind I see doubt, fear, and emotions that if I allow will run wild. It's difficult at times as a nurse to see these numbers and not allow God to step in and provide the serenity of calmness that only He can provide. It takes a choice to turn off everything around me and allow the undisturbed comfort the only God can provide.
Phil has an MRI on Thursday morning because of the amount of pain in his spine. Then later in the day we have a sit down meeting with Pain Management, and Oncologists. Based on the results we will resume the discussion of what the plan is, and It's a difficult road no matter which road is chosen.
I choose to be an open channel for God's guidance on what is best for Phil. I want him to have the best that life will offer him, not just numbers of month's they choose to give Phil. I want what God's will is, and what God can and will provide.
Hey, Hey, Hey, ....Alright, Alright, Alright! (now just imagine hearing that in my best Mathew McConnohawk-Ptoooey impersonation!!!!..... Thats right Kiddies, the Man has taken over the blog responsibilities for this evening - and she doesnt know it yet, but im gonna finish this blog - basically thanking God, and letting you all know what it is like to have found that one person, THEE person that you you know that you can finish out your days with, (the docs have basically givin me less than 2 months) and I intend to do a few things (despite the ever-increasing pain, that they are trying to get under control for me, so I can have a little fun before i check-out).
The MRI's showed more tumor mass forming on my spine, thats why theres a ton of new pain, and thats why I'm struggling now. The ups and downs of life. Except it translates into the compression and de-compression of my cancer riddled spine. And it all sux the BIG ONE, cuz now its gotten ahold of my Kidneys, and if it wasnt for dialysis, I'd be toast already, cuz I wouldn't have anything cleaning my blood for me.
So thats whats going on w\me for right now, and it's breaking my heart watching the woman that I love the the most go thru this. She deserves so much better, for all that she's done for me ever since day 1 of my diagnoses - she has been incredible. And I know, given what we've been thru, that there's maybe 1 - 5 ladies (in the N.E.Ohio area) that would dare to even step-up and help someone thru what she has helped me thru.
She is incredible, there is no love that is stronger, and hopefully, with our strength in prayer, our deep love for each-other, and all the people we have praying with us, maybe... ...just maybe... ...there's a miricle out there with our names on it! And if not, I'm certain that she will come out from that battle, with her armor even more chinked, and beat-up yet again from the battle of watching her husband die, allbeit wiser, more refined in the teachings of our Bible, and somehow, ready to help someone else thru a difficult time in thier life. Thats just how selfless she is. And throughout our 20 years together, I've seen it time & time again, its all that makes her, the amazing woman that she is. The best part of this is not that I'm on the recieving end of all her Love and care (although its truly amazing to have somebody love you to such an extent) the truly amazing thing of all this, is watching how she passes it all down to our 2 beautiful daughters.
Our daughters are amazing, and before I go, Im just gonna let you all know how lucky of a guy I am, having been able to have lived the life I've led, which I owe mostly to my wife and daughtgers. I'm a very lucky guy, And I'd like to thank my God, my Wife, my Family, friends, and all those that I have had a good time with along the way.... ....hopefully, I'll be able to write again -before its all said and done.... .....peace, love, and the best of it all, to you and yours....
......and all my love, to my lovely wife......
Phillipians 4:5-7 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Significant passage for Phil and I during this time in our life. When our life can be filled with worries and anxiety. It's the kind of day where the burdens are strong, the heart is hurting, and I just want to pull the covers over my head and stay in bed.
Prayer isn't just a something that comes naturally for me, and I wish I could say that it was. I am learning to petition God, and make my requests known. For he hears my crys, my requests, and my love for Him. Phil and I need your prayers today, and tomorrow. We need his comfort and guidance, and a peace that passes all understanding. God knows, just pray.
Thank you for those who will pray for us, and have prayed for us.
