New Years Resolution

Today, as I was curled up into my own little ball of insecurity and depression, and I had filled myself with a self proclaimed darkness. Sometimes, I think I actually find this mood enjoyable and inviting, so then I pride myself on my self indulged pity, and Eeyore becomes my icon.  And then, I began to realize just how much my mood sets the tone for the whole house, and the people I love. 

I don't curl up to misery often but I am thankful I quickly stopped myself and began to revisit a memory from when Phil was in the hospital.  A moment where someone's love and compassion shed some light on me during one of my darkest hours in my life.  She will never know what she did for me, she reset my mood and provided a light of hope.  All this from a complete and caring stranger.

After arriving to the ER at 7:00pm, Phil was finally admitted to Medical Intensive Care Unit and settled in around 4:00 am.  It was an emotional and exhausting evening, at this point I was working on 23 hours of not getting any rest - something I don't do well is lack of sleep.  It was finally time to go home, and attempt to get some rest, and not so easy when someone you love is in such distress with breathing.  Anyway, I had to walk back to the ER department to get to my car. The walk was heavy on my heart, I was mentally, physically, and spiritually exhausted.  It was to the point that I wasn't feeling connected with the floor, the building, or even the moment.  It seemed as if every hallway was endless and excruciating, but eventually I arrived back to the ER department.

It was so lonely walking at that hour of the morning, except for one young lady who was sitting in the hallway charting on her computer. She turned to me and said, "Do you need help?"  I replied, "I need to know how to get my car, I had to use valet but I have no idea what to do or where to go at this hour?"  She walked me over to the security office, and they took my ticket, and said they will  have someone bring my car around.  I thanked her, and graciously sat on the little bench while I waited endlessly for my car to appear. 

As I sat slumped over all of Phil's belongings and my own, I seemed to stare into space and felt that dark, gloomy, and that infamous black cloud just stagnant over my head.  Just then the automatic doors opened, and there she stood again with coffee and a boxed lunch.  She smiled that sincere smile of caring for another human being without even knowing them, and said, "I thought you looked like you needed some coffee and a meal."  My eye's filled up tears, and I exclaimed, "You have no idea what this means to me."  Just then my car pulled up, and she helped me carry all my belongings out to the car, and hugged me.  She said, "I will be praying that you arrive home safely."  It was her light at that moment that set the mood for my hour drive back home, and brought such peace and hope over me.  I wish I had gotten her name, but in my emotions from her kindness, I was mesmerized with gratitude.  However, I will remember her forever.

All of us set the tone in our homes, our jobs, and in all apects of our lives. That's the light that we need everyday in life, when darkness appears to destroy your every ounce of hope, and seeks to destroy your soul. That's the light that needs to set the mood, spark the hope, bring the joy, and it is what keeps us going in life. I will attempt to be more of a light, and will not invite the bitterness, darkness, and depression that life can bring into my home.  I don't want to just go through "The Motions", I want to make a difference.  That, my friends , is my "New Years Resolution".