Why do we worry.....

     Phil and I are usually pretty good about counting our blessings.  Phil has a terminal cancer called Multiple Myeloma, and we make frequent trips downtown to visit the Clinic.  He is burdened with not being able to walk long distances without pain, sit in one position for a period of time without pain, takes a massive of amount of medications which includes two different pill forms of chemotherapy, fatigue, nausea, insomnia, frequent MRI's and xrays, and at times battles depression regarding financial stress, and emotional stress he feels responsible for putting on his family.
     In spite of cancer we have learned to laugh at our "bad luck", and "count our blessings" even when things seem to be on the negative side of life.  Although lately, I have found myself in worry, pierced with no sense of direction, and emotional worn down with watching Phil suffer with cancer.
     Worry is useless, and eats at the heart of hope.  It drags you down, instead of being building you up.  It trys, and sometimes succeeds to rear it's ugly face in the midst of your storm.  I have decided to move past worry and look forward but lately I can not, and quiet frankley it's making me mad.
     It's hard watching the man you love struggle with such an ugly disease.  I guess lately I am a little depressed and my heart is broken for him.  He has been through so much, and I hate to seem him struggle with his disease.  I am trying and learning to lean more into my faith and God.
     Sunday at work, one of my patients asked, "What does you husband do for a living?".  I explained that he is disabled, and has cancer.  She stated, "If it would not offend you I would like to pray for him."  I was humbled at this gesture, from a little old lady laying in a hospital bed wanting to pray for him.  So she prayed a wonderful, geniune prayer.  It was filled with hope, healing and love.  At the end of the prayer, she said to me, "Jenny, God wants you to believe this prayer, and he knows that Phil loved his motorcycle, and misses riding it." Now for some of you skeptics it seems unreal.  However, I believe that was for me, from God,  to learn to not worry, and embrace hope.
     Sometimes, all you need is a little gesture from a lovely lady, to give you hope instead of worry..... thanks for those kind words at right moment.